Darren

I am writing about the most horrific event of my life.  It is so huge that part of me doesn’t want to write it at all; however, our lives have changed today and it can’t go untold.

Our oldest boy, my first-born, Darren passed today from his earthly life to continue his adventures in another realm.  

To begin at the beginning of his leaving: he was injured in a fall last June while working on a roof and sustained a severe spinal cord injury.  Numerous surgeries and hospitalizations later, he was left in a quadriplegic condition, necessitating nursing home care.

The nursing home failed in his care; unbeknownst to us and to him because he had no feeling below his chest, his body was riddled with untreated very deep pressure wounds that became infected.  The infection went systemic and Darren was hospitalized with septic shock.  He underwent two surgeries in three days, but his condition continued to worsen.  We asked to have life support removed to end his suffering.  We were able to talk to him via telephone throughout the process, which was short, and assured him of our love that survives always.

That’s the really awful part, but I want to close with something about who Darren was and how very much he was cherished.  For the past months, Chris & I have talked to him on the phone every evening - conversations that were by and large enjoyable, sometimes not so much when he needed to talk about his pain and challenges that were many.

Mostly, though, he wanted to hear about what we were doing, and often expressed the wish that he could be here to help us.  His droll sense of humor sometimes caught me unawares; he loved to make me laugh, which he did often.

Our talks ranged over many subjects.  He liked to discuss literature and talk about his favorite authors, or to recommend movies and television programs to us, and we reciprocated.  He and Chris discussed in great detail various building and handyman projects.  Darren was a master carpenter; he took great pride in insuring that every job he did was done with pride and precision.  He had never considered any career besides building; it was his passion.

When he was not working, he loved to be outdoors exploring.  The three of us spent many a great time trooping through southern back woods just to see what we could see.  He was fascinated with just about everything - from knee trees to history to engineering to UFOs.

He read voraciously and always had an opinion on everything.  If you didn’t agree with his opinion, clearly you were wrong.

Darren was a sensitive soul and as generous as the day is long.  He always noticed where he could lend a hand and never failed to jump right in to help, no matter what the need.  He abhorred injustice and always wanted to right a wrong.  

Although he had many challenges and struggles in his life, he never lost his kind and giving heart.  His sensitivity caused him to be hurt many times, but he was forgiving.  His playful manner gave us many opportunities to be carried along on his waves of enthusiasm, a joy that was never dampened - not by torrential rain, heat & humidity high enough to fell an elephant, hordes of mosquitoes so thick you could cut it with a knife, or jungle spiders the size of dinner plates.  It was all an adventure of great proportions.  We never knew if we would see a manatee, a muskrat, an alligator, a turtle, a small flower or a hidden gravestone.  Maybe none of those and nothing of particular note: the joy was in the journey.

Even as a youngster, Darren was fascinated with the world around him.  He loved museums, ghost towns, his family, animals - domestic and otherwise, word games (but he didn’t like losing), older people, hated onions more than anything in the world, loved to grow things and always had a garden, and he doted on his dog, Sammy, and his cat Clementine that he paid 50¢ to rescue from neglect as a kitten when he was a youngster.  He saved a nest of baby birds that a snake was after, and used his ball cap to resettle them.  He knew he could solve the problems of the world and did his best to do just that.

Clearly, I could go on and on, but have already far exceeded what I meant to say.  I am proud of the human he was, his honesty, his kindness, his work ethic, his humor, his passion, his joy in life.  He never stopped trying.  We will miss him immensely and wish him godspeed on his journey.

A "few" memories . . .